You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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