Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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