And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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