..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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