you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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