he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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