he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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