Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
