Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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