Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
