dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
