You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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