you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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