why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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