you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
