I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
