Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
