I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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