we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
