mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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