True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
