no, he came in my armpit
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
did i just pee glitter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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