He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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