I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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