I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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