do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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