he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
