Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
