I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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