Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it glows. i had to have it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
