I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He better not be in your backpack
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
