Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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