Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
