it was like eating out sand paper
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
