I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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