Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
