thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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