He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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