Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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