So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
