Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
