She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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