somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
