i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
