So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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