I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
