I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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