We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
