We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
