i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
