I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
