Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
