i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
why do cheetos always look like penises
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
