Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
