they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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