Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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