shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
