dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
