I'm drive I can fine osifer
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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