I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
