yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
